Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Boost in Self confidence

Capable?


Living with near daily headaches has undermined my self confidence.  Slowly, daily pain has eroded my belief in my ability to do things, all sorts of things.  Taking a long walk, riding my bike, working in the garden, going on excursions with my friends, taking care of my grandson, doing art work, holding down a job - have all been compromised by my head pain.  I've become cautious, my life circumscribed by pain and pills, fatigue and reduced stamina.  I used to ride my bike all over town.  Now, I stick to my neighborhood and about a 2 mile radius from home.  I used to walk a lot.  I still walk but not too far since either foot pain or fatigue is a regular visitor.  I'm a weaver and I used to weave a lot, but again, headaches and foot injury has meant I haven't sat down to weave in a long time.  The upshot is that, slowly but surely I've become convinced that I'm incapable of a full range of activities, work and play, that make for a balanced healthy life and cheerful attitude.

Ladies of the Lake (and a gentleman too)

A Swim across the lake


Recently I went to the Lake with a group of friends for an annual late-summer swim across and back.  I've been hesitant to try the whole distance before, but this time, with a rescue boat in the water and a surf board to latch onto if needed, I struck out and made it all the way across and back, a small but important triumph and a sorely needed boost in self confidence.

A Walk to the Saturday Market


The next week I took a walk with my friend Lee and doubled my usual mile and a half limit.  I have been limping around with achilles tendonitis for more than two years.  Walking has always been a pleasure for me, but I fell, and all of a sudden that simple pleasure was no longer available.  I couldn't do it.  Finally almost 3 years later, my feet are not totally healed but close enough, I decided, for a challenge.  We took off for the market at a brisk pace - and made it - there and back.  I went home feeling more intact and whole than I had in a long time.


A Morning in the studio


Yesterday I went to the studio, sat down at my big loom and wove for an hour and a half - a triumph.  I'll be back there soon.  Tho' not great for swimming, winter is good weaving weather.  None of this is a big deal until it is because you just don't have the pain-free time or energy to pull it off.  So I feel good about walking and weaving and swimming, and I plan to file my memory of these events away to lift me up the next time I'm under water instead of on top of it.

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